You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
