So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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