She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
