you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
