I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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