My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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