her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
