The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
