Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
