I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
