ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
