i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
