end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
