the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's the barista slut.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
