that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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