If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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