he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
