If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
