someone threw a dead crab at me
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
