quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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