I got chris browned last night
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
