Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
