He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
