I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
