so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
