We're facebook friends in real life
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
