Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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