my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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