3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
