Already got asked if we're dating
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
