I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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