I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
