K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
