I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I supernannyed him into submission
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
