So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
