Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
