Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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