3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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