Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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