So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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