I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
