Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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