I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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