4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
