I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
