Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
