I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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