I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
