I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
