2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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