this beer tastes like vomit already
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
