What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
